A Football Poem: An Ode to Mark Sampson and his England team

Connect in the back of the net

My name is Mark Sampson

and I’m in a bit of a pickle,

And all I did was to give

some girl’s bottoms a

a little tickle.

But these girls are young

ladies and play football

for England,

And all I did was to give

them a little “helping”



I manage the England

women’s football team,

and we are very successful,

And watching them run

about – I certainly get

an eyeful!

Any man I know would

love to be in my shoes,

Ogling all the women

players – simply ‘pick

and choose!’


I’m told I have a murky

past but it’s the future

that now matters,

But the little Hitler’s

at the top – have left my

career in tatters.

The football FA are

really, digging up the


Just because I’m a ‘red-

blooded’ man – and had

a harmless flirt!


I used to sit in the dug-

out and my blood pressure

would rise,

But eyeing up all them

women players – it is no


The big bosses call it;

“inappropriate” – but they

are all PC,

All I used to enjoy doing

is sitting a lady on my



My career is now all

tarnished – and I have

now got the sack.

The pressure is far too

much – maybe I will


My successful time as

the manager, of the

England women’s football


Is well and truly over –

but it made me feel



Written by Darryl Ashton Darryl Ashton

Follow Darryl on Twitter @AlfGarnettJnr

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ALSO: Please check out Darryl’s two fascinating new books – one on football poetry: My Crazy World of Football Poetry, and the more politically-inducing: My Amazing World of Poems and Political Satire. Both are available to order on Amazon.