Connect in the back of the net

My name is Claudio Ranieri,
and I managed Leicester City
football club,
But now I’ve got the sack –
I’m going down the pub.

We won the Premier League
title only recently,
But, was it just down to luck –
and now it is all history?

We really were unbeatable –
and we were the greatest
team,
But was it just down to luck –
is it all now a dream!

We won almost every game –
my players were known as
the Expendables,
No one could beat us – we
were Claudio Ranieri’s
disciples!

But you cannot force your
players to perform – but you
can order a good team
performance;
‘But when they’re on the pitch,
they sometimes play with
pure ignorance!’

Our best days are now over,
and we are facing relegation.
That’s why I’ve been sacked –
and it’s caused a mass
condemnation.

I was summoned to a board-
meeting – were I met the
football jobsworths,
They said: ‘They are “sorry” –
they were only jumped-up
little quirts!

I feel I was stabbed in the
back but that I cannot prove,
The boardroom boys have
had their say; ‘they’re really
in the groove!’

However, we must move on –
and take this team forward,
To try and avoid relegation –
that would be absurd.

I leave my job with sadness –
as tears now fill my eyes,
But I got a very big pay-off –
‘oh, it was a lovely surprise!’

I am now going on a holiday
to totally recharge my batteries
I’m now very rich, you see –
no more football worries.

But maybe I’ll make a come
back and join the BBC –
And become a football pundit –
and live happily by the sea.

It really is a funny old world
especially for a football manager,
If you don’t win a lot of trophies –
the board will react with anger.

But if you do get sacked – it
can be so very lucrative,
For everyone in football – they
will one day forgive.

So, now, my friends, I now
depart – and as I go my separate
ways,
I’m counting all my money I got;
‘now I see more good days!’

My name is Claudio Ranieri, I
was the manager of Leicester
City,
I am now going home to rest
a while – please, I don’t want
any pity!

 

Written by Darryl Ashton Darryl Ashton

Follow Darryl on Twitter @AlfGarnettJnr

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ALSO: Please check out Darryl’s two fascinating new books – one on football poetry: My Crazy World of Football Poetry, and the more politically-inducing: My Amazing World of Poems and Political Satire. Both are available to order on Amazon.