EPL Satire: Glen Johnson to Barca and Moyes charged with misconducting Sunderland

Things are suddenly looking up for Jose, are they not?  

First United win a game, and not just any game.  A game against Pep’s City, which must mean Pep is on the way out now, no?  


Milan money-fest

Secondly, all this new money in Milan has sent both clubs transfer rumour crazy.  

Inter clearly have more money than sense, and want to prove this by buying Wayne Rooney.  Yes, the mere sight of the word “buying” suggests they want to part with actual money to take him to Italy.  

AC Milan, not to be outdone, have decided they would like to raid United for a slightly younger player that may still have some potential and their finger is pointing in the direction of Memphis Depay.  

It is hard to imagine Jose being too disappointed at waving goodbye to either, but it probably will not happen.  Trust me, Rooney to Inter is far from the craziest rumour we have for you today.


Craziest rumor ever?

No, we can ace that easily.  

Barcelona, probably admitting defeat in the chase of Bellerin who, frankly, is so damn quick nobody can catch him, have switched their sights to, wait for it, you really will not guess, Stoke City right back Glen Johnson.  I know.  Really!  

What a season for Glen, first recalled to the England squad and now Barca might want him.  Is it suddenly 2006 or something?


London Stadium mare

Credit to the West Ham fans, they are trying to make the London Stadium feel like a football ground.  The problem is they are trying to make it feel like a football ground in the 1970’s.


Mignolet and Mkhitaryan’s fighting spirit

Speaking of fighting in football, two Premier League players have been talking about putting up a fight.  

Mignolet is prepared to fight Karius for his place at Liverpool and Mkhitaryan is wanting to fight anyone for a place in the United team.  

Many think he should be in the side ahead of Fellaini, but he looks like he could fight dirty so I reckon Mkh might pick on Lingard instead.


Giggsy for Wigan manager

Giggsy is about to get punished for talking complete rubbish on TV.  He might get his first job in management at Wigan Athletic.  

He’ll be ok though won’t he?  I mean he was a great player so he will absolutely rock management, just like Bobby Charlton, Nobby Stiles, Bryan Robson, Roy Keane and Gary Neville all did.


Moyes charged by the FA

The FA have charged David Moyes with misconduct.  

I’m presuming that is misconduct of a football club.  

Life is great at Sunderland, they couldn’t even get home after losing at Southampton as it was too foggy to take off.  They’re from Sunderland, they are used to it!


Nonchalant Mazzarri

Watford manager Walter Mazzarri says he is unconcerned about the potential of points being deducted from their growing total this season.  

To be fair to Walter, he is Italian.  He understands corruption in football and knows full well he may not even be in charge if the hearing is held after Christmas.


PS:  I’ll be back next week – in the meantime head over to www.talesfromthetopflight.com to follow the daily column.  

You can follow Chris Darwen on Twitter: @comeontheoviedo and don’t forget to pre-register to play FanFire!

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