EPL Satire: A measly 200 assists for Ozil, while Wilshere demeans Bournemouth

A week or so ago I mentioned that Ozil was scoring goals when it really mattered, 3-0 up at home to an average Bulgarian side.  

Well, Mesut, I apologise.  

 

200 cheers for Ozil

You scored when it really, really mattered last night.  Arsenal fell for the “we will be more cautious” line from Ludogorets and had most of us pens poised to scribe yet another Arsenal calamity.  

But no, oh no.  They only went and won it 3-2.  

200 assists for Ozil in his career now.  That stat will make his eyes pop out.

 

Revenge tastes so good

You get the sneaky feeling that Pep may have enjoyed City’s 3-1 revenge win over Barca at the Etihad.  

Messi did what Messi does, and no I am not referring to not paying tax, as the visitors led.  

But then City went into overdrive, Gundogon giving everyone the opportunity to remember he cost about £69 million less than someone else and £8 million less than that someone else’s agent got.  

Just when Jose thought things couldn’t get worse, Kevin De Bruyne scored as well.  

Yes, that Kevin De Bruyne.  The one that Jose kicked out because he wouldn’t do a bit of defending at home to Burnley or something.  Like you need to defend at home to Burnley.

 

Pogba the fraud?

The word fraud is pretty en vogue in football right now.  Yes, I am looking at you Pogba.  

But it turns out that the Old Trafford Rabbit is, allegedly, not the biggest fraud in the Premier League.  Well, Alexis did always say he wanted to be just like Messi.  

Sanchez has, maybe, not paid his tax when playing for Barcelona.

 

Wilshere, oh dear

According to Jack Wilshere, his current gaffer Eddie Howe “has the potential to manage a big club, or England” in the future.  Great work Jack, managing to offend both Bournemouth and the national side in one single quote.  

Mind you, England deserve it.  

 

Miserable Moyes

David Moyes has said that he often spends nights in a darkened room after defeats.  You can look at that one of two ways.  Firstly, that is a lot of nights in a darkened room.  

Secondly, hang on - doesn’t everyone spend their nights in a darkened room?  It’s called sleeping, David.

 

PS:  We’ll be back later in the week.

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