Connect in the back of the net

My name is Wayne Rooney,
and I’m leaving Manchester
United,
No press are allowed – they
are the uninvited.

Thirteen long years I’ve
played at Old Trafford,
Sadly I’m now leaving – as
my football form has suffered.

I have also put on weight –
and I do feel rather flabby,
I haven’t scored many goals
as such – I also feel so crabby.

I have also took a dislike, to
Jose Mourinho,
So instead of playing football –
I’ll read my son’s Beano.

Now as I am super rich –
money isn’t an issue,
But I can always turn
emotional – I may just need
a tissue!

I’ve seen some vast changes
at this football ground,
So now it is time to leave –
and overseas, I’m bound.

My manager is in discussions –
to help me get away,
Somewhere in a new country –
so my football I’ll still play.

Now I do love Chinese food –
chow mein and fried rice,
So I think I’ll head to China –
it sounds so very nice.

I’m not getting any younger,
so my family do come first,
But playing in all that heat –
I’ll need to quench my thirst!

I will be joining a super team –
of that I have NO doubt,
My name is Wayne Rooney –
and my belly’s rather stout!

I will be quite emotional – but
I do need to move on.
To secure my future – and
my family – and to catch some
Chinese SUN!

Goodbye to Man United – as
a new chapter now begins,
Now to start playing football –
and to kick those Chinese
shins!!!!

I still have a few years left –
I’m not yet too old.
I’m at my peak – and that’s
for sure – ‘well, this is what
I’m told!’

My name is Wayne Rooney –
and I’m going to China’ land,
But I will come back occasionally –
to play for struggling England!!!!

Goodbye to the UK – I mean
that from my heart,
I’m going to play in China –
with my family – and a brand
new start.

Adios to the gloomy UK – and
‘hello’ to China-town;
‘I’ll still appear on Newzoids –
as a footballing’ China clown!!!!’

 

Written by Darryl Ashton Darryl Ashton

Follow Darryl on Twitter @AlfGarnettJnr

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ALSO: Please check out Darryl’s two fascinating new books – one on football poetry: My Crazy World of Football Poetry, and the more politically-inducing: My Amazing World of Poems and Political Satire. Both are available to order on Amazon.