Connect in the back of the net

Goalkeeper

Thibaut Courtois – Yes, a keeper on the losing side. But think about it. The lad has had nothing to do since White Hart Lane, but he still did well to keep the score down to two when Palace came along with their good performance.

His name may be hard to spell (I wonder if it’s common in Belgium?) but it’s worth putting down here.

Defenders

Scott Dann – Had the awful task of coming on at half time, which I feel is twice as hard for a defender. Normally, you’d come on for the last ten minutes and be a target man for long balls. But Scotty came on and beamed Palace up to three points. I promise never to reference Star Trek again. I never liked the show.

Jonny Evans – It’s never easy going back to your old club, especially when that old club is Manchester United. But Northern Ireland’s finest came up trumps at Old Trafford. So much so, we had Horrid Jose after the match. Oh how we missed him.

Eric Dier – He is starting to become my man crush. A future England Captain who can play two positions with equal aplomb.  He scored a very important goal and his hair looks lovely.

Danny Simpson – Can you believe he hadn’t set up a goal in the Premier League for ten years? TEN! Then like my visits to McDonalds two come along at once. But hey, once Claudio went anything was possible. Poor Claudio.

Midfielders

Harry Arter – After coming home on Sunday from a weekend away, my wife asked me to see if I could sort out a broken tile on the roof. Now, I’m the first to admit I’m not the best with heights and the thought of going up a ladder that tall worried me. But as I grabbed the ladder,  a football suddenly smacked into our roof and knocked the loose tile off. Cheers Harry.

Demarai Gray – Why this lad doesn’t play more is beyond me. Always plays well and has been more threatening than Mahrez since the start of the season. Poor Claudio.

Leroy Sane – I’ve been really disappointed in him since he has started playing well. I was hoping he would turn out to be one those Man City rejects and end up at Spurs. But no, he is playing well and scoring.

Wilfried Zaha – Another Tottenham target. They should have pushed harder for him last summer. He is going to cost Sissoko money now. Played really well at Champions Chelsea. Might as well say it now, but he sadly won’t be playing for England.

Strikers

Divock Origi & Son Heung-Min – Now I’ve put these two together for a reason. They should never, ever start again. Like the David Fairclough of this era (ask your dad), they are super subs.

Coming off the bench to inject pace and score goals. All that and play for only 20 minutes of a game. Oh heaven!

 

FYI: This piece is satirical.

 

Written by Chris Darwen

For his daily column, head over to www.talesfromthetopflight.com 

Follow Chris on Twitter @comeontheoviedo

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