Connect in the back of the net

GOALKEEPER

Nikolay Mihaylov (Bulgaria) – To keep out the Dutch isn’t all that hard these days. More so when the silly sausages won’t pick Vincent Janssen.

But the Wombles’ uncle favourite national team goalkeeper can only stop what is put in front of him. Plus, his birthday is the day before mine.

 

DEFENDERS

Igor Shitov (Belarus) – Yes, it’s because my wife and I came up with a million jokes about his name. But come on, you telling me you’re not giggling like a school kid after hearing someone fart in lesson?

Michael Keane (England) – Learning off both Gary Cahill and John Stones could not have been easy for the Burnley lad. But he managed to block all their nonsense out and put in two displays that should mean we can retire Cahill.

Gerard Pique (Spain) – Did you know that some Spain fans boo him because he is from Catalan? Poor bloke. Yes I know he plays for Barcelona, yes he is married to that hip shaking singing lass from Columbia, yes he has won the World Cup and yes he has won the Euro’s twice. Sorry I completely forgot what my point was.

Nacir Chadli (Belgium) – Oddly had to play wing back against Greece for Belgium. To put that in perspective, it’s a bit like asking Messi to play holding midfielder just because he can pass a ball ok.

 

MIDFIELDERS

Isco (Spain) – He barely plays for Real Madrid but fair play to the lad for coming off the bench for Spain and scoring against the might of Israel. To be honest I’m only putting him in because he may read this and come to Tottenham.

Daniele Di Rossi (Italy) – I thought he was about 45 and retired. That shows my lack of knowledge of the Italian game. But well done to the lad who had to put up with a load of flares and fireworks being set off before he put away a penalty against the mighty Albania.

Gylfi Sigurdsson (Iceland) – My lad came up good against a great Kosovo team. (might be a lie yes, but like Isco I’m sure he will read this and re-join Spurs, love you Gylfi)

David Silva (Spain) – He always looks really tired these days when he plays. But hey, must have been nice not to have Pep screaming utter nonsense at you for a few days.

 

STRIKERS

Diego Costa (Spain) – The bastard, I honestly thought he hadn’t been picked for Spain. Well that will teach me to believe everything on Wiki. I suppose that means I shouldn’t keep asking dolphins questions on the history of biscuits.

Jermain Defoe (England) – I found it odd no one has talked about his age. Clive Tyldesley was that bored during the game on Sunday he managed to count the exact number of days since Defoe last scored for England at Wembley. Also, Jermaine come back to Spurs.

 

FYI: This piece is satirical.

 

Written by Chris Darwen

For his daily column, head over to www.talesfromthetopflight.com 

Follow Chris on Twitter @comeontheoviedo

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